Tier 1 · A normal day
The full routine: three lines, a skill, sleep at a sensible hour, contact with one person. This is what you are aiming for and it is not what most days look like.
On paper, in advance
Writing a recovery plan
A plan is not a list of intentions. It is a set of decisions made in advance, on paper, specifically so that they do not have to be made at an intensity where deciding anything is not available.
Four tiers, by how bad the day is
The most common flaw in a recovery plan is having only one version of it — the version written on a good afternoon.
Tier 2 · A hard day
Cut to the essentials. The intensity number, one physical intervention, and no expectations beyond that. Explicitly written down as acceptable, so that using it does not register as failure.
Tier 3 · A bad day
Two things only: stay safe, and contact one named person. Everything else is suspended by design rather than by collapse. Naming the person in advance is the part that matters.
Tier 4 · A crisis
Not a self-management tier. Who to call, in order, with the numbers written down — because looking them up is exactly what does not happen at that point. The crisis page lists services that answer immediately.
What goes in the document
One side of paper, or one note on a phone. Answer all of these before you need any of them.
- My three physical early-warning signs, in my own words
- The two skills that have actually worked for me, not the ones I think should
- The exact sentence I will use to leave a conversation
- The person I will contact, and the message I will send — written out in full
- What my day reduces to at tier 2, and at tier 3
- The three numbers I will call in a crisis, in order
- One thing I want someone to say to me, and one thing I do not want said
- Who has a copy of this, and when I last updated it
Why plans fail
Four failure modes, each with the specific fix.
Too ambitious
Written on a good day, for a good day
If it assumes forty minutes and a clear head, it does not exist on the days it was written for. Write tier 3 first, then build upward.
Too vague
'Use my coping skills'
Unusable at intensity. Every line needs to be a specific action a tired person could follow — 'cold water on wrists for thirty seconds', not 'self-soothe'.
Not accessible
In a notebook, in a drawer
It needs to be reachable in ten seconds from wherever you usually are. A pinned phone note beats a beautiful document you will not go and find.
Never updated
Written once, eighteen months ago
Skills change, people change, numbers change. A quarterly ten-minute update keeps it real; an unrevised plan quietly becomes fiction.
Questions about the document
Including who else should see it.
Should someone else have a copy?
One person, ideally — it removes the need to explain anything in the moment. Give it to them on a calm day and tell them what you want them to do with it, which is usually much less than they will assume.
What if I don't know what works yet?
Write the plan anyway with your best guesses and revise it after the first time you use it. A plan built from two months of actual notes is far better than one built from theory, and you get there by starting badly.
Is this the same as a crisis plan?
Tier 4 is a crisis plan. The other three tiers are the part usually missing, and they are what prevents most tier 4s from happening.
How detailed should it be?
One side of paper. Anything longer will not be read at the point it is needed, which is the only point that counts.
What if I've had one before and never used it?
Then it was probably tier 1 only, or it was not reachable. Both are fixable and both are more common than the plan being a bad idea.
Where does the book cover this?
Chapter 25 is a year-long integration plan and is almost entirely written work, and chapter 21 covers relapse prevention. Those two chapters are the closest thing the book has to this document.
Educational disclaimer: this page supports book discovery and general learning about borderline personality disorder. It does not diagnose, replace individualised professional care, or provide emergency support. If you are in crisis, contact local emergency services or a crisis line — see the crisis support page.